Title: Between Hearts and Homes: Reflections on Faith, Love and Everyday Life
Author: Aisha Musa Auyo, PhD
Year of Publication: 2025
Pagination: 180 pages
Reviewer: Olamitayo Ebunola Irantiola
The book is written out of the author’s deep concern after observing the current trend of marriages and relationships failing. This prompted the author to discuss various themes, including the essentials for sustaining marital relationships, navigating parenthood, and building healthy relationships with those around us. She strongly believes that a happy family is the foundation of a happy society, and a happy society produces a prosperous nation.
Contrary to the common belief in society that homes are built solely by women, she argues that it takes two to tangle and also to build a home. She encourages men to evolve alongside their wives, noting that neglecting their wives’ growth in experience and exposure can create gaps over time, leading men to perceive their wives as falling short of their standards as they grow.
The author also emphasises the importance of communication, particularly from men, as a way to build intimacy, encouragement, confidence, and healing within marriage. At the same time, she advises women not to rely solely on men’s approval for validation. She argues that women should pursue purpose and personal growth to remain uplifted even when such approval is not always expressed.
Dr. Auyo also addresses the challenge of balancing the dual responsibilities of wives—their commitment to their husbands and their duties to their children. She advocates for understanding and support from men, especially during the early years when children require more attention.
The author acknowledges that challenges are a natural part of marriage and should strengthen the relationship rather than lead to its dissolution. Reflecting on older generations, she notes that many marriages in the past were not necessarily built on love, physical attraction, or material wealth, yet they often lasted longer. According to her, modern couples sometimes prepare more for flamboyant weddings than for the realities of marriage itself.
She also highlights the importance of character building, stating that marriage tests almost every aspect of a person’s life. Therefore, before one can enjoy a happy marriage, one must grow in wisdom and character.
The author also advises spouses to let go of situations that no longer serve them, particularly in cases of abuse. She illustrates this with a fascinating childhood story about refusing to let go of a sheep she cared for, which eventually left her with bruises
Dr. Auyo critiques the idea that partners should complete each other, arguing that they should complement one another. She encourages individuals to seek completeness in their relationship with Allah, which can help reduce frustration when human expectations are not fully met.
The book also offers practical advice on building relationships with neighbours and members of the community. She recounts her experience in a new neighbourhood where the support of neighbours helped save the life of her child, demonstrating the value of maintaining good relationships with those around us.
Another important lesson she shares is the need to be less judgmental, illustrated through her personal experience of sometimes failing to recognise people, a condition she described as prosopagnosia.
One of the most compelling sections of the book addresses the education of girls and women. From an Islamic perspective, she explains that the command to seek knowledge applies to both men and women. This challenges the popular perception about girls’ education in parts of Northern Nigeria, particularly coming from a Fulani descendant.
She further explains that the world’s first institution of higher education, the University of al-Qarawiyyin in Morocco, was established by a woman named Fatima al-Fihriya in 857–859
The book is a good read for people of all genders, as it prepares us to build meaningful relationships with our spouses, children, and the wider community. It also helped me gain a deeper understanding of Northern Nigeria, correcting some of the misconceptions I previously held about the region and its people.
Olamitayo Ebunola Irantiola is a pastor, author and family life practitioner.
